Friend but No Benefits?

How to deal with a friend who wants more than friendship

          I remember when I was in grade school, having the largest crush on this very cute boy in my class. I remember attempting to call him and tell him that I wanted more than to be just his friend. As I dialed, my palms were sweating, my heart raced, and when he picked up the phone I could barely keep my sentences straight. When I told him that I wanted to be more than friends and I had this huge crush on him and wanted to be his girlfriend and he didn’t feel the same way to say the least. 

            Looking back on how simple my situation was, in today’s much matured, and highly technological world, and especially with this new “friends with benefits” concept, it seems that “crushes” no longer exist and have been replaced by the idea of a more complicated no-strings sexual attraction. And even though we're no longer in the 6th grade, that still doesn’t make the dilemma of “being something more than friends” (whatever that may be) any easier to deal with. Through the final years of high school and definitely into college I have dealt with my fair share of guy friends wanting more than just a friendship with me, whether it be dating or hooking up. And to be honest, it’s something that I am personally not interested in. I am one of those people who see a friend as just that- a friend, with no possibilities of “a crush” or “friend with benefits”.

            But for those of you who do want to explore seeing a friend as something more than just that, I want to caution you on the complications that ensue. A friendship is complicated enough and adding sexual/emotional/physical issues to that can only make it worse. I do have some friends who do have friends with benefits and they seem to make it work. If that’s true then I have a theory it’s merely being able to compartmentalize emotions and the people they relate to.  Ultimately if you do want to pursue something more than just friendship with a friend, you have to evaluate what you want, how you feel about the after-effects, and where you are in your life that you can accommodate this situation into your life.

            For me it was that rejection in the 6^th grade that made me realize that being more than friends just hasn’t worked out for me since then and wont work out in the future. So while you want to think about the other person, remember to think about yourself as well. You and your friend deserve to have a great relationship, whatever it may be.

Welcome!

Hi! Welcome to my blog, Suggestions by SoCo! This blog is something that I have been thinking about doing for awhile now, but finally have the guts to do it! This is a page that is dedicated to simple musings, suggestions that I have and questions for anyone to ask! I definitely believe that sometimes in life a 3rd party can help bring a different point of view or solution to a problem, dilemma, or thought. So here goes my first post! A thought on how to deal with friendships in relationships:

 IN GOOD COMPANY

At some point in a friendship, one finds themselves asking- "does he/she really want my opinion? or are they just simply saying that because it's 'the cordial friend thing to say'?" Sometimes they do, and other times they don't. It's just a matter of what the opinion is on. If it's something as small as a potential shirt to purchase, that's one thing. And if it's about your friend's love interest, that is something much more touchy. 

Recently through one of my best friends, I have been put in this sort of dilemma. A year ago I had my heart broken by my first official love. And it sucked beyond belief. This friend of mine is in a similar first love relationship after a year of dating and she thinks that it will truly last. And i honestly hope it does work out, but I have found that when she poses the question of asking my opinion on her relationship- she really doesn't want to hear what I have to say. So then why does she ask me? Perhaps because she wants me to tell her what she wants to hear, or reinforce what she wants to believe or think. 

Either way, when it comes to relationships, it comes down to this: your friends want you to support them and regardless of what you believe and your opinion is of their boyfriend or girlfriend, you can support them by just being there for them. Overall, if a friend asks you for your opinion on their relationship, you can say that you support your friend and you love seeing them happy and in love. Then remind them that their relationship is just that- it's theirs. And while you would love to speak your mind, sometimes it's better to let it go and simply be there as a friend.